What Happened to my Dildo?

A big, pink jelly dong. We had been packing up our things and thinning out all of our belongings but we couldn’t decide what to do with this particular item. We bought it mostly for me, for webcam modelling. On occasion we had enjoyed it together. Now came the time to decide. Should we bring it to New Zealand with us? We had limited luggage space and it seemed a bit extravagant. Besides Monkey has a fully functional organic dong of his very own and that was certainly coming with us.

Throwing it away was also out of the question. The waste disposal on small islands is not the same as on the mainland. All recyclables were collected up and transported for processing. Organic waste was composted. The small amount of general waste however, was burned. Shocking, I know but very common on farms everywhere. Usually those burning the waste included our boss and at least one colleague. The likelihood of a dildo being spotted amongst the bag of burning rubbish was almost certain. And the chance that it would be linked to us was no chance at all.

Another option that briefly crossed my mind was to leave it in the charity shop. The shop didn’t have anyone supervising. It worked on honesty box system and donations of clothing and bric-a-brac could be left neatly for sale. Imagine the shelf; a tan coloured tea set, a VHS of the crystal maze, floral jigsaw puzzle, massive jelly dong, chipped vase, another teapot and a ceramic figurine of a country lady. I could put it in the window so the morning sunlight would shine through it like stained glass casting a pleasant pink glow.

I put it in the, now empty, wardrobe. To get it off my mind. We sorted and packed and gave away lots of things. We vacuumed, re-painted and fixed the bed ready for the next occupants. We were all ready to go.

We were in Ireland when Monkey brought it up. Visiting family.
‘What did you do with that dildo in the end’
‘FUCK!’
I had left it in the wardrobe.
Did our boss find it? Or a colleague sent to do a deep clean? Or the new employees who took our place on the farm? Milk in the fridge, teabags in the cupboard and a dildo in the wardrobe. Islanders are so considerate.

We shared a few minutes of nervous laughter and speculation. Before concluding that it was hilarious in the extreme, nobody would be offended and it would probably make us local comedy legends (entertainment is scarce on the islands).

We plan to return to visit this year or next. Besides reconnecting with old friends, pristine white beaches and the slow, peaceful beauty of the island; I’m also looking forward to finding out what happened to my dildo.

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