Webcam modeling and MLNP

I wrote this blog post for MLNP (Make Love not Porn) in 2014. It talks about how my experience making videos for and otherwise being involved in the social sex revolution has helped me bring together my two personas, the cam-girl, on demand, adult entertainer and the florist, wife, highly sensitive, complex strong young woman. It has helped me feel more whole.

I first discovered webcam modelling about 4 years ago. My now husband, Monkey, introduced me to it. Heres a little background information about us. We met in a small, isolated community where everyone knows each other by name, gossip spreads rapidly and everyone knows each others business. Or so I thought. It can get lonely in the countryside but thanks to the wonders of the internet, all manner of social and sexual interactions are still available to us and monkey had been indulging in camsites and chatrooms for quite some time before I came on the scene. As we became closer, Monkey told me about these online experiences and all of a sudden the world felt so much smaller. I thought it was awesome.

Some readers will know what webcam modelling is, for those who don’t, it can be many things to many people but heres a basic rundown. Webcam Modelling is an interactive adult entertainment experience. The customer pays the model, usually by the minute, And the model helps the customer get off by talking and performing on her webcam from home. Sometimes the customer will want to see a models feet or underwear or various body parts. Sometimes the customer wants to discuss sexy fantasies or role play, Occasionally the customer will just want some company and a friendly chat, though more often than not (in my case) the customer wants a sexy lady to chat with and masturbate with.

I am not an exhibitionist, being watched does not get me off. But I really enjoy getting other people off and providing a good service. I think you might be able to see my personal dilemma beginning to emerge. Yes I do fake it, often but not always. I admit I am so busy trying to look pretty and read subtle cues from my customer that I struggle to get into it enough to have an orgasm. It can take me 20 minutes to cum even without trying to look pretty. My priority is to please my customers, what if they only want to spend 10 or 15 minutes with me? I draw on my my plentiful experience of actual orgasms and I present my best interpretation on demand.

In porn movies everyone knows the girls fake it. Its porn. But cam girls can be a grey area. Is it porn? I would love to be able to say yes cam modelling is all porn and it should be treated as such but its not that simple. Some models provide pure performance. Some models are true exhibitionists. For some its a mixture. But as far as I can tell, we all try to be seen as genuine.

Are we harmlessly indulging someones fantasy or perpetuating a lie that will only backfire on us. I love the slogan Pro sex pro porn pro knowing the difference but I’m right in the middle of it and I still struggle to know the difference sometimes.

Many cam models, myself included, make sexy videos to sell. The point of me writing this was to discuss how my MLNP videos differ from the ones I make as a cam girl. I got a little side tracked. Anyway here goes. When making a video as a cam girl my priority is to look sexy. When making a video for Monkey and Me and MLNP my priority is to feel sexy. If I look sexy too, that’s great, if not, never mind you can still see it. After having a positive response to my procrasturbation video, I have found it really gratifying to know people are enjoying the video as It expresses part of my sexuality. It expresses a part of me. My cam girl videos express the customers sexuality more than my own. As many people of note have said ‘Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not’ In my case It is better to be masturbated over for what you are than masturbated over for what you are not. (Though I’m still happy with either)

Find more musings from MLNP Stars on the MLNP Blog.

How to Ask a Woman If She Will Accept Money for Sex

I was asked if I would accept £200 for a ‘hug’ whilst at work the other day. Here’s what happened.

On Wednesday I was propositioned by an older chap. He came into the shop to order flowers for his wife for their 55th wedding anniversary. Pleasant enough bloke, if a little overbearing. Niceties continued beyond talk of his purchase. He told me that when he was younger he was a military man, he’d fought in Africa. He told me that his wife had many medical problems and that he had not touched a woman for twenty five years. I understand that human touch is valuable and I felt for him. He then confided that he had always wanted to marry a younger woman. His wife was 1 year younger than him. 79.

“I have a thing for little girls” He told me.

He was reminded of this whilst ‘looking down upon my chest’. I got the impression he meant petite women rather than ‘little girls’ though I barely noticed his distasteful terminology.

The next part is the good bit. He didn’t invite me out for a drink or offer to buy me lunch or ask for my phone number. He said…
“Would you accept £100 for a half hour hug”
I said no.
“£200?”
I said no.
Then we carried on discussing business and the delivery time of his flowers.

Above all else, I was impressed with how normal the interaction was. It wasn’t creepy. I said no and we moved on.

More interesting to me was the reaction of the people around me.

After he left. I asked one of my colleagues if she would think of me differently if I’d agreed to it.

“Of course I’d have set some rules, it would have to be in a hotel not his house and he would have to keep his clothes on” I joked. She was horrified.
“O my god! you actually considered it?” She replied.
I hadn’t even said yes and she was judging me.

I asked the same of another colleague and she said.
“No not really, I had a friend who was an escort”

Another colleague was freaked out that he was into ‘little girls’ above anything else.

When I phoned my husband at lunch break and told him I had been offered £200 for a hug, he asked…

“is that what your doing now?”

I erupted with laughter. Not sure if he was joking or not.

Note the wide variety of responses.

The thing to take away from this is that everyone has a different view regarding what is acceptable. Had I guessed my colleagues responses I would have been wrong on all counts. Some people may find hilarious what others may find abhorrent. What some may consider distasteful others may see a harmless way to make a living and there is no way to tell unless you ask.

So Here Is a rough guide.

How to ask a woman if she will accept money for sex.

(Please dont take this seriously)

Step one
After you find someone you would like to proposition. Start up a conversation being sure to mention your financial and past career success. (it helps if you approach her whilst in her place of work so she feels obliged to converse with you and cant run away)

Step two
Elicit pity. Physical contact with another human is a valuable thing. Let her know that it is lacking in your life and how much it used to mean to you. Try your best not to disrespect your wife in the process this way she will see you as a gentleman.

Step three
Let her know you find her attractive. Don’t mention her specifically but note a distinct physical characteristic such as her size, hair colour or accent and tell her that its a feature you find attractive.

Step four
The closer. DO NOT ever ask ‘will you accept money for sex’. Be specific about the money and vague about what is asked of her. This gives you room to negotiate what will happen in the encounter. It will also reduce the chance of you getting punched in the face. Using euphemisms such as ‘hug’ allows some degree of plausible deniability.

If she says no. Up your offer to your maximum budget. If she says no again say ‘ok’ and change the subject. You can ask her what her husband does for a living and if it pays well later in the conversation. (Yes that really did happen in my case) It will make her consider what the money would mean to her and her husband.

If she says yes. Give her your number and allow her to arrange the terms. Make sure she feels safe, pre-arrange boundaries. Make sure you are both clear with what will occur between you and never request more than what you agreed beforehand. If she changes her mind or at any point tells you she is uncomfortable with whats happening. Stop! Remember how lucky you are to have got to this point.

If she slaps you in the face. Apologize for offending her and leave.

If she calls the police. Remember that while prostitution is legal in the UK not everyone thinks it should be.

A CATI survey conducted in January 2008 on sex and exploitation revealed the following views on prostitution in the UK.

Paying for sex exploits women and should be a criminal offence: 44% of the total respondents agree
Paying for sex exploits women but should not be a criminal offence: 21% of the total respondents agree
Paying for sex does not exploit women and should not be a criminal offence: 17% of the total respondents agree
Paying for sex does not exploit women but should be a criminal offence: 8% of the total respondents agree

Check out the survey on sex and exploitation and you can figure out which demographics weigh most heavily. Quite fascinating. Based on that, you could probably affect your chances of a positive reaction. If you happen to be interested in an affluent 55-64 year olds, you are better placed to find someone who thinks paying for sex does not exploit women and should not be a criminal offence. However, they probably don’t need the money.

let me know what you think. Do you think prostitution should be illegal? Do you think it exploits women? How would you respond if someone offered you money for a ‘hug’?

Two Questions to Ask Yourself to Massively Change Your Life

Whether I could run 42.2 km is neither here nor there. I ran several times a week and that contributed significantly to my happiness.

What do you want out of life?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
What do you want to achieve?

These are NOT the questions I refer to in the title.
They are big questions. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you that it is vital to have answers for them. I don’t doubt they can be valuable. But to me, they seem so vague and distant. In all honesty, I don’t find them inspiring. A lot can change in 5 years. In 2015 if you had asked me about my goals I’d have said I want to run a trail marathon. I had run 2 half marathons. I got a hip injury, took some time off and didnt regain my momentum. I never achieved my goal and I don’t run much anymore.

For me, the real value of running was is the effect it had on my day to day life. I loved getting outside and exploring new trails, it boosted my mood, It encouraged me to eat well. Running gave me energy and a sense of accomplishment. Whether I could run 42.2 km is neither here nor there. I ran several times a week and that contributed significantly to my happiness.

That encouraged me to ask, What else makes me happy? What do I want to do more of? The questions I urge you to ask yourself and your partner if you have one are as follows:

What are things I want to include in my life daily or almost daily?
What things do I want to include in my life intermittently or when facilities allow?
I answered first

Daily -or at least weekly-
Running
Chatting to family
Swim/ surf/ bodyboard
Photography
Meditate
Sex
Write

Intermittently -as frequently as circumstances allow-
Weightlifting
Mountain biking
Surfing
Gardening/ growing
Floristry/ flower arranging

Monkey Didn’t look at my answers and he wrote the following

Daily -or atleast weekly-
Making Tabby cum
Exercise
Surf/ mountain bike
Read
Chill the fuck out (don’t get so stressed)

Intermittently -as frquently as circumstances allow-
Go somewhere or do something that makes me go ‘Wow!’
Try new things (Food, sex position, activity)

How we plan to use this information?

Simplify
I feel like this gives us permission to simplify our lives. If we own something that doesn’t have a place on the lists, were getting rid of it. Skateboards and games consoles goodbye. We can use the time and space for something listworthy.

Change how we earn money
Its helping us to identify how we could make a living. We plan to dramatically cut back our expenditure and live rent free so we won’t need to earn much (more about that in another post). Fortunately there are things on our lists that we could potentially use to make money, floristry, writing, gardening, photography and sex (I’m talking about making videos or doing webcam shows not actual, in-person whoring).

Learning about each other
We have learned more about each others priorities. We will be more aware if one of us is compromising for the sake of the other. I didn’t realise that Monkey wants to read more. Now I know, I can help him make the time to do so. We are also planning to take up yoga.

Identifying and creating space for the things that make us happy is giving direction to our larger plans.

What happened to the running? I replaced it with something else. We’re working towards a life where we can give plenty of time to everything on the list. But right now we dont have time for them all. Right now I’m into Weight lifting. Do I still have big goals? Kind of. I want to deadlift 110kg (double my body weight). I don’t know if I’ll achieve it and I dont care that much. I’m getting stronger, I lift several times a week and I love it. It’s contributing significantly to my happiness.

What Happened to my Dildo?

A big, pink jelly dong. We had been packing up our things and thinning out all of our belongings but we couldn’t decide what to do with this particular item. We bought it mostly for me, for webcam modelling. On occasion we had enjoyed it together. Now came the time to decide. Should we bring it to New Zealand with us? We had limited luggage space and it seemed a bit extravagant. Besides Monkey has a fully functional organic dong of his very own and that was certainly coming with us.

Throwing it away was also out of the question. The waste disposal on small islands is not the same as on the mainland. All recyclables were collected up and transported for processing. Organic waste was composted. The small amount of general waste however, was burned. Shocking, I know but very common on farms everywhere. Usually those burning the waste included our boss and at least one colleague. The likelihood of a dildo being spotted amongst the bag of burning rubbish was almost certain. And the chance that it would be linked to us was no chance at all.

Another option that briefly crossed my mind was to leave it in the charity shop. The shop didn’t have anyone supervising. It worked on honesty box system and donations of clothing and bric-a-brac could be left neatly for sale. Imagine the shelf; a tan coloured tea set, a VHS of the crystal maze, floral jigsaw puzzle, massive jelly dong, chipped vase, another teapot and a ceramic figurine of a country lady. I could put it in the window so the morning sunlight would shine through it like stained glass casting a pleasant pink glow.

I put it in the, now empty, wardrobe. To get it off my mind. We sorted and packed and gave away lots of things. We vacuumed, re-painted and fixed the bed ready for the next occupants. We were all ready to go.

We were in Ireland when Monkey brought it up. Visiting family.
‘What did you do with that dildo in the end’
‘FUCK!’
I had left it in the wardrobe.
Did our boss find it? Or a colleague sent to do a deep clean? Or the new employees who took our place on the farm? Milk in the fridge, teabags in the cupboard and a dildo in the wardrobe. Islanders are so considerate.

We shared a few minutes of nervous laughter and speculation. Before concluding that it was hilarious in the extreme, nobody would be offended and it would probably make us local comedy legends (entertainment is scarce on the islands).

We plan to return to visit this year or next. Besides reconnecting with old friends, pristine white beaches and the slow, peaceful beauty of the island; I’m also looking forward to finding out what happened to my dildo.

Make Love not Porn

During the Summer of 2012 I was watering the tomatoes in the garden listening to a podcast.

A British accent. A mature, successful woman who was developing a web based business to educate about sex by selling videos of normal people having normal sex. This was Cindy Gallop and her idea resonated with me on many levels.

First of all I was working part time as a cam model so making money from sex was already part of my life (more on this in another post). Secondly. I have been affected by the influence of hardcore porn. The idea of being able to take positive steps to neutralize these impacts was a concept I wanted to support.

Cindy did a Ted talk in 2009 to unveil her website Make Love not Porn. in which she talks about sex education and the influence hardcore pornography has on our culture. She illustrates the talk with an anecdote about a younger lover to whom she says ‘no thanks I would much rather you didn’t cum on my face’. She then goes on to express concern for ..

“the young girl who’s boyfriend wants to cum on her face. She does not want him to cum on her face but hardcore porn has taught her that all men love cumming on women’s faces, all women love having their faces cum on and therefore she must let him cum on her face and pretend to like it”.

Watch it! Its brilliant. The ripples of shock from the audience are palpable. There is no point in me telling you all of the important points and the inspiring balance of humor and earnestness that she demonstrates when you could just go on TED Talks Youtube channel and see it for your self. Cindy Gallop TED Talk

Anyway. Hypothetical girl she mentions. That’s me. Not with specific regard to cum on the face. I do actually enjoy that. However, I have faked a lot of orgasms. With various partners. When I was younger. I kept thinking I must be doing something wrong, why is this not working. I hadn’t even watched a lot of porn but somehow, subtle, pervasive, influences had crept into my consciousness. That paired with the fact that I am a chronic people-pleaser lead me to fake orgasms under the belief that It would make my partner happy. I’d think ‘one day It’ll just click and I’ll be able to cum during sex too’ but it didn’t. It took a long time to realize that it wasn’t ‘just going to click’. I had been denying myself the opertunity to have orgasms with a partner by avoiding communicating properly. Because it felt awkward and uncomfortable to talk about.

This story is not unique. Ive read various statistics and learned that 20-25% of women do not consistently orgasm during intercourse. If my partners and I had known that growing up, things would have been different. If I had more experience talking about sex and hearing other people talk about it in a frank and open manner. Things would probably have been different.

That’s what Make Love not Porn, MLNP is about. There are videos of all kinds of people having all kinds of sex. You can find My husband and I on there. MLNP.tv (You will notice that when I cum there is nearly always a hand involved). The videos are not about helping the viewer get off, its about recording an honest look into peoples sex lives  (many of them do happen to be extremely hot but that is a secondary factor). If my peers and I had access to this kind of material instead of hardcore porn. Who knows how we would be different. I bet we’d be much more secure individuals. At the very least our sex lives would be so much better.

I like porn. This is not a vendetta against it. I watch porn by myself and with my husband I have made a living from porn and if I needed to, I’d happily do so again. But it needs to be made clearer to young people that it is entertainment. Porn is not real!

Like the tag line from MLNP says

We are ‘Pro-sex, pro-porn and pro knowing the difference’

Fuck it! Lets go somewhere!

We want the same things out of life. Our urges for travel, adventure and sex are a pretty good match.

It started with a feeling. A familiar feeling that I couldn’t quite place. for progress, change, growth. Something like that.
We were going to buy a house. Seriously considering it. Investing in our future together. We were going to start a business. Arial videography. I love making videos. Turns out you can’t get a mortgage if your newly self employed. So we would have to stay in our current jobs and that didn’t feel right for either of us. These solutions weren’t adding up to a change at all.

Then I put my finger on it. The niggling feeling. Its the same as when I left my home town (and job and life). I went to live on a little island. When people asked me why, the best answer I could give was that I wanted to live by the sea. It was where I met Monkey. Its where we got married. Following that impulse was the best decision I’ve ever made.

It was the same as the feeling we both shared when we decided to go to New Zealand after our wedding. For a year, maybe more, maybe we would never come back. Quite a honeymoon.

Unlike our other plans (house, business, ect) the plans that are driven by this urge, they stick. They come with a sense of relief at finally finding the right answer.

We have a good life here in England. We live in a nice flat. We have jobs that pay more than minimum wage, 4 weeks annual holiday and usually we get 2 days off a week. We have nice things. Bikes, surfboards but not enough time or energy to use them. There is too much life to fit into a schedule like this.

That’s why we have decided to set our priorities straight. Live life in our own way putting importance and time into the things that mean a lot to us. I want to get better at writing, have lots of great sex, do some photography, swim in open water, surf, run, meet new people, hike in the mountains. We want to travel and we want to play a proper part in the social sex revolution.

I want to go and live by the sea again. I feel so privileged that Monkey does too. That’s a big part of why we are good together. We want the same things out of life. Our urges for travel, adventure and sex are a pretty good match.

Hence the endless honeymoon. It started with our trip to NZ. We have tried settling down a few times but it hasn’t stuck.

I’m writing this on my first day off in nine days, thinking of all the other ways I could be using my time. Laundry, vacuuming, I could be at the gym or on my bike. So many mundane things to fill my day with. But fuck it. I want adventure. I’ll be planing our trip to Hawaii.