Two Questions to Ask Yourself to Massively Change Your Life

Whether I could run 42.2 km is neither here nor there. I ran several times a week and that contributed significantly to my happiness.

What do you want out of life?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
What do you want to achieve?

These are NOT the questions I refer to in the title.
They are big questions. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you that it is vital to have answers for them. I don’t doubt they can be valuable. But to me, they seem so vague and distant. In all honesty, I don’t find them inspiring. A lot can change in 5 years. In 2015 if you had asked me about my goals I’d have said I want to run a trail marathon. I had run 2 half marathons. I got a hip injury, took some time off and didnt regain my momentum. I never achieved my goal and I don’t run much anymore.

For me, the real value of running was is the effect it had on my day to day life. I loved getting outside and exploring new trails, it boosted my mood, It encouraged me to eat well. Running gave me energy and a sense of accomplishment. Whether I could run 42.2 km is neither here nor there. I ran several times a week and that contributed significantly to my happiness.

That encouraged me to ask, What else makes me happy? What do I want to do more of? The questions I urge you to ask yourself and your partner if you have one are as follows:

What are things I want to include in my life daily or almost daily?
What things do I want to include in my life intermittently or when facilities allow?
I answered first

Daily -or at least weekly-
Running
Chatting to family
Swim/ surf/ bodyboard
Photography
Meditate
Sex
Write

Intermittently -as frequently as circumstances allow-
Weightlifting
Mountain biking
Surfing
Gardening/ growing
Floristry/ flower arranging

Monkey Didn’t look at my answers and he wrote the following

Daily -or atleast weekly-
Making Tabby cum
Exercise
Surf/ mountain bike
Read
Chill the fuck out (don’t get so stressed)

Intermittently -as frquently as circumstances allow-
Go somewhere or do something that makes me go ‘Wow!’
Try new things (Food, sex position, activity)

How we plan to use this information?

Simplify
I feel like this gives us permission to simplify our lives. If we own something that doesn’t have a place on the lists, were getting rid of it. Skateboards and games consoles goodbye. We can use the time and space for something listworthy.

Change how we earn money
Its helping us to identify how we could make a living. We plan to dramatically cut back our expenditure and live rent free so we won’t need to earn much (more about that in another post). Fortunately there are things on our lists that we could potentially use to make money, floristry, writing, gardening, photography and sex (I’m talking about making videos or doing webcam shows not actual, in-person whoring).

Learning about each other
We have learned more about each others priorities. We will be more aware if one of us is compromising for the sake of the other. I didn’t realise that Monkey wants to read more. Now I know, I can help him make the time to do so. We are also planning to take up yoga.

Identifying and creating space for the things that make us happy is giving direction to our larger plans.

What happened to the running? I replaced it with something else. We’re working towards a life where we can give plenty of time to everything on the list. But right now we dont have time for them all. Right now I’m into Weight lifting. Do I still have big goals? Kind of. I want to deadlift 110kg (double my body weight). I don’t know if I’ll achieve it and I dont care that much. I’m getting stronger, I lift several times a week and I love it. It’s contributing significantly to my happiness.

Fuck it! Lets go somewhere!

We want the same things out of life. Our urges for travel, adventure and sex are a pretty good match.

It started with a feeling. A familiar feeling that I couldn’t quite place. for progress, change, growth. Something like that.
We were going to buy a house. Seriously considering it. Investing in our future together. We were going to start a business. Arial videography. I love making videos. Turns out you can’t get a mortgage if your newly self employed. So we would have to stay in our current jobs and that didn’t feel right for either of us. These solutions weren’t adding up to a change at all.

Then I put my finger on it. The niggling feeling. Its the same as when I left my home town (and job and life). I went to live on a little island. When people asked me why, the best answer I could give was that I wanted to live by the sea. It was where I met Monkey. Its where we got married. Following that impulse was the best decision I’ve ever made.

It was the same as the feeling we both shared when we decided to go to New Zealand after our wedding. For a year, maybe more, maybe we would never come back. Quite a honeymoon.

Unlike our other plans (house, business, ect) the plans that are driven by this urge, they stick. They come with a sense of relief at finally finding the right answer.

We have a good life here in England. We live in a nice flat. We have jobs that pay more than minimum wage, 4 weeks annual holiday and usually we get 2 days off a week. We have nice things. Bikes, surfboards but not enough time or energy to use them. There is too much life to fit into a schedule like this.

That’s why we have decided to set our priorities straight. Live life in our own way putting importance and time into the things that mean a lot to us. I want to get better at writing, have lots of great sex, do some photography, swim in open water, surf, run, meet new people, hike in the mountains. We want to travel and we want to play a proper part in the social sex revolution.

I want to go and live by the sea again. I feel so privileged that Monkey does too. That’s a big part of why we are good together. We want the same things out of life. Our urges for travel, adventure and sex are a pretty good match.

Hence the endless honeymoon. It started with our trip to NZ. We have tried settling down a few times but it hasn’t stuck.

I’m writing this on my first day off in nine days, thinking of all the other ways I could be using my time. Laundry, vacuuming, I could be at the gym or on my bike. So many mundane things to fill my day with. But fuck it. I want adventure. I’ll be planing our trip to Hawaii.