During the Summer of 2012 I was watering the tomatoes in the garden listening to a podcast.
A British accent. A mature, successful woman who was developing a web based business to educate about sex by selling videos of normal people having normal sex. This was Cindy Gallop and her idea resonated with me on many levels.
First of all I was working part time as a cam model so making money from sex was already part of my life (more on this in another post). Secondly. I have been affected by the influence of hardcore porn. The idea of being able to take positive steps to neutralize these impacts was a concept I wanted to support.
Cindy did a Ted talk in 2009 to unveil her website Make Love not Porn. in which she talks about sex education and the influence hardcore pornography has on our culture. She illustrates the talk with an anecdote about a younger lover to whom she says ‘no thanks I would much rather you didn’t cum on my face’. She then goes on to express concern for ..
“the young girl who’s boyfriend wants to cum on her face. She does not want him to cum on her face but hardcore porn has taught her that all men love cumming on women’s faces, all women love having their faces cum on and therefore she must let him cum on her face and pretend to like it”.
Watch it! Its brilliant. The ripples of shock from the audience are palpable. There is no point in me telling you all of the important points and the inspiring balance of humor and earnestness that she demonstrates when you could just go on TED Talks Youtube channel and see it for your self. Cindy Gallop TED Talk
Anyway. Hypothetical girl she mentions. That’s me. Not with specific regard to cum on the face. I do actually enjoy that. However, I have faked a lot of orgasms. With various partners. When I was younger. I kept thinking I must be doing something wrong, why is this not working. I hadn’t even watched a lot of porn but somehow, subtle, pervasive, influences had crept into my consciousness. That paired with the fact that I am a chronic people-pleaser lead me to fake orgasms under the belief that It would make my partner happy. I’d think ‘one day It’ll just click and I’ll be able to cum during sex too’ but it didn’t. It took a long time to realize that it wasn’t ‘just going to click’. I had been denying myself the opertunity to have orgasms with a partner by avoiding communicating properly. Because it felt awkward and uncomfortable to talk about.
This story is not unique. Ive read various statistics and learned that 20-25% of women do not consistently orgasm during intercourse. If my partners and I had known that growing up, things would have been different. If I had more experience talking about sex and hearing other people talk about it in a frank and open manner. Things would probably have been different.
That’s what Make Love not Porn, MLNP is about. There are videos of all kinds of people having all kinds of sex. You can find My husband and I on there. MLNP.tv (You will notice that when I cum there is nearly always a hand involved). The videos are not about helping the viewer get off, its about recording an honest look into peoples sex lives (many of them do happen to be extremely hot but that is a secondary factor). If my peers and I had access to this kind of material instead of hardcore porn. Who knows how we would be different. I bet we’d be much more secure individuals. At the very least our sex lives would be so much better.
I like porn. This is not a vendetta against it. I watch porn by myself and with my husband I have made a living from porn and if I needed to, I’d happily do so again. But it needs to be made clearer to young people that it is entertainment. Porn is not real!
Like the tag line from MLNP says
We are ‘Pro-sex, pro-porn and pro knowing the difference’